For many years ..  many years ago ..  I was addicted to prescription drugs .. mostly xanax with an occasional pain killer to get myself back up .. my life was a roller coaster of emotions for those many years ..  my addiction was both the root of my problems .. and .. haha .. my answer .. it was my hell .. as well as my salvation .. my curse and my blessing .. it made my life intolerable .. yet .. it was the only thing that made life tolerable .. so I decided either way I go ..  and .. the downright reality I faced .. was simply  .. I’m going to have pain .. if I stayed as I was .. I was going to hurt .. if I left my addiction .. I was going to hurt .. guaranteed either way .. however .. I knew that the pain I was covering up .. could either be my ally .. by driving me to a positive change .. or .. my enemy .. simply by .. paralyzing me to stay where I was .. it was my choice .. and .. I knew .. that if I could make that decision to break free .. it was indeed .. the only way I would truly be free .. free from the pain of the past .. so that’s what I did .. oh but friends .. I could never have done it .. without the help of God  .. for through Him .. I received the grace .. clarity of mind .. and .. pure strength to ask for help ..  haha .. so here I am .. twenty so years later .. finding myself facing another addiction ..  yep .. you see .. last week I was experiencing .. flu like symptoms .. blood pressure spikes .. and .. much irritability ..  it actually scared me .. as I had no idea what was happening .. thinking something seriously was wrong with me .. I sat on the bed and cried out to the Lord .. telling Him I needed to know what was wrong .. because I’m sure the stress of worrying is making it worse .. when I heard His voice simply say ..  ” dumb a#$ .. look on the internet .. haha .. I’m like really .. you just called me a dumb a#$?! .. haha ..  then I heard .. “it’s not like you’re not always on there anyway!” ..  now .. I’m like ok .. what does this mean?! ..  as I sat there on the side of the bed .. it came to me .. so off to the internet I went ..  “what are the withdrawal symptoms of quitting sugar?” ..  tada!  …   flu like symptoms .. blood pressure spikes .. and .. irritability .. just to mention a few .. and .. the funny thing is ..  I knew the feeling was familiar but I just couldn’t put my finger on it .. for you see .. about two weeks ago I gave up sugar ..  you know .. the bad kind .. wow .. I had no idea the hold that it had on me .. but .. as I have been pealing back layers of .. hurt .. pain .. and .. shame .. that I have carried for so many years ..  I have been able to come to this point ..  and now  .. to the realization that I traded one addiction for another .. common to us addicts .. but .. totally acceptable .. haha .. here we go .. another layer turned back .. haha ..  so friends .. please … trust me when I say .. when you’re tired and want to be truly free from whatever it is .. addiction .. past hurt .. depression .. or .. shame  .. turn to Him .. to the One who gives us the strength to do whatever it is we need to do .. not because we’re good .. but .. because He’s good .. oh .. and .. don’t be surprised .. if He calls you out .. for just what you are .. haha .. oh yeah people ..  Love Wins Period.

“Everything is permissible for me” .. but not everything is beneficial ..  “Everything is permissible for me” .. but I will not be mastered by anything”



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